When Gratitude Becomes a Guilt Trip: A Conversation with Amberly Lago

Let’s talk about something high-achieving women don’t always say out loud: sometimes gratitude feels like a trap.

You’re “so lucky.” You “should be grateful.” Everything looks fine from the outside—but inside, you’re wondering why you still feel unfulfilled, fried, or just flat. I know that feeling way too well.

That’s why this conversation with Amberly Lago hit so hard. You probably know her as the bestselling author of True Grit and Grace and Joy Through the Journey, a resilience coach, and a top podcast host. But what you might not know is the real story behind her grit.

This woman has lived through 34 surgeries, a chronic pain condition nicknamed the suicide disease, sexual abuse, addiction, burnout, and a nervous system that’s been pushed beyond its limits—and she still finds joy. But not the toxic kind. Not the Pinterest quote version. Real joy. The kind that takes work, honesty, and community.

We got into it. I challenged Amberly on whether gratitude can sometimes be a bypass—something we use to not deal with what needs healing. Spoiler: she agreed. And then she dropped a framework that I haven’t stopped thinking about since.

It’s called the PACER Method:
Perspective
Acceptance
Community
Endurance
Rest

It’s simple, it’s accessible, and it’s exactly what so many of us need when we’re running on empty and still saying yes to everything.

We talked about why high-performing women isolate when we’re hurting, why asking for help feels so vulnerable, and how choosing joy can be a strategy—not just a feeling.

👉 If you’re feeling stretched thin, if you’ve been living on adrenaline and “I’m fine,” and if the gratitude practice you once loved is starting to feel like another thing to perform—this episode is your reset.

You can listen to the full episode here or find The Reinvention Room wherever you get your podcasts.

🎯 Resources:

• Amberly Lago’s Website

• Joy Through the Journey – Her New Book

• Unstoppable Success Summit – April 25–26, Dallas

• PACER Method TED Talk

And if you’re craving clarity on how to amplify your own voice and make the kind of impact that feels aligned? Book a free call with me at allisonhare.com/freecall. You don’t have to be louder—you just need to be heard.

Listen Now: The Reinvention Room Podcast

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If you’ve got a podcast or an idea that won’t leave you alone, here's your sign to take it seriously. Not just because it's fun (it is), but because it can change how people see you, connect with you, and trust you. That's the magic.

And if you're wondering how to make it actually work? Book a free clarity call with me at allisonhare.com/freecall. I'll help you turn that idea into a tight, bingeable, client-attracting machine.