I quit.
I went to a seminar about brain science.
Yes, really.
I mean, don't get too crazy. The brain science seminar wasn't like a MENSA-sponsored event. I'd be laughed at, ridiculed, and ejected at the door if it was.
It was a seminar of the controversial culty but not technically a cult self-development brand of Landmark Education. It set an undercurrent for every day since and I haven't been able to shake it.
It was a Tuesday night in Atlanta after work. The instructor was beautiful, captivating, and had this hypnotic sexy Belgian accent.
She said that our brain patterns (modern speak: neuropathways) are designed to only repeat patterns we know.
Fight or flight situations? We aren't really there. Body goes on auto-pilot.
Trying to get out of an abusive relationship only to find yourself in anther one? That's not you - that's just your brain automatically repeating patterns...probably from your childhood.
Self-sabotage? Not really you. Your brain is just doing what it knows.
In her cool Belgian accent, she would say "patterns" over and over again. But it would sound like this:
patt-tuns patt-tuns patt-tuns. And she closed with this conclusion:
We are almost never present.
Our brain is only running old familiar patterns. It doesn't even need us to make the decisions we make- it's just how it's wired.
The only time when we are present is when we are creating.
I'll say it again. The only time when we are present is when we are creating something new.
This theory, whether true or not, sent me on a quest.
This seminar was almost 20 years ago. 20 years of that gnawing feeling that I'm not where I should be.
I knew I had talents and skills. Wholly being unused. I would speak at the occasional Toastmasters meetings. I could argue that I was using my "presenting" skills running through boring-ass sales business powerpoints or entertaining clients.
I really had no idea where to use my real skills. Or if anyone cared to listen. Or if they were good enough. Or if I had anything important to say. Or if I was worthy of a bigger life.
Just kept that little flame inside just quietly on embers and stuffed away.
But I did something I never thought I would have enough courage to do.
I bet on myself.
I have chills all over my body and tears in my eyes as I type this. I am so frightened about losing everything.
But today, I am finally going public on the secret I've been keeping for years.
Please listen here:
xo,
Allison
P.S. Talk about keeping secrets! This is changing the landscape of comedy. Wow.
P.P.S. If this stirs something in you, I would join this.
P.P.P.S. Guaranteed you will get chills the moment this song is sung. I've had this particular performance in my head for YEARS!
