My Psilocybin Journey: Lonely Truths and Real Talk
My Psilocybin Journey: Lonely Truths and Real Talk
Psilocybin. Yep, I went there—and this time, it wasn't gentle. I recorded this episode fresh from a mountain cabin after experiencing what they call a "heroic dose" of psilocybin mushrooms. Spoiler alert: things got very real, very fast.
If you know me, you know I'm always looking for unconventional ways to grow and get unstuck. And let's be honest—on paper, life looks pretty great. But mushrooms have a way of cutting through the BS and getting straight to the truth. And here's mine: even in a life full of love, connection, and success, I've been quietly battling loneliness.
Why Psilocybin?
Psilocybin isn't new to me, but this journey was different. Unlike my previous experiences, designed more for relief, this "heroic dose" aimed to break down walls I didn't even realize I'd built. I wanted real answers, deeper truths. And, oh boy, did I get them.
The Reality Check I Didn't Expect
About an hour in, my shadows started to surface. The themes? Control, loneliness, isolation, and vulnerability—all the fun stuff, right? But seriously, it was an awakening. I saw clearly how my need for control was keeping me isolated. Even surrounded by people who love me, I felt alone (yep, that's possible).
One powerful moment had me visualizing a room filled with color and life around me, yet I stood in the center, isolated and pale. It was deeply sad—and deeply enlightening. That's when I realized the message I needed: "Let them in."
Letting Go and Leaning In
Letting people in means dropping the mask, getting vulnerable, and admitting when things aren't perfect. It means facing guilt and shame about friendships lost and feeling worthy enough to be truly seen by the people closest to me.
And here's the kicker: halfway through, I physically purged (yes, as in threw up). It might sound awful, but it was the biggest relief—a symbolic release of emotional baggage I'd been carrying around way too long.
The Messy Middle of Reinvention
The next morning, clarity hit like a ton of bricks. My psilocybin experience wasn't just about loneliness—it was about deep connection, about allowing myself to be vulnerable, and about embracing the messy parts of growth. Success is meaningless if we keep people at arm's length.
So, if you're feeling stuck, isolated, or secretly lonely (even if everything looks perfect on Instagram), know you're not alone. Maybe your breakthrough isn't psilocybin—but for me, this journey was the honest shake-up I needed.
Notable Moments in This Episode:
(02:45) Why I'm really sharing my psychedelic journey
(09:32) How my need for control nearly blocked my growth
(17:05) The unexpected shadow dive into loneliness
(22:15) Realizing isolation—even surrounded by love
(30:45) The surprising relief of physically purging emotions
(34:20) The profound insight: "Let them in"
(41:50) Grappling with guilt and friendship wounds
(48:05) Admitting emotional struggles to my family
(54:00) Why deep connections matter more than achievements
Resources Mentioned:
EP150: My psychedelic journey inward
EP154: LIFE UPDATE: Psychedelic aftermath, 12 hour walk - Part 2
EP168: My psychedelics part 2 and what's NEW in the new year
EP192: Psychdedelics, brutal solo hike, and overcoming fear and doubt - a SOLO
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