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The Friendship Dilemma

January 11, 20243 min read

the friendship dilemma

"If you are around anybody that makes you feel less than 💯 % yourself, if you’re around anybody that makes you feel like you can’t shine or say whatever you want to say, you're with the wrong friend.” - Oprah Winfrey

The friends who I've called my best friends throughout life? 👯

We don't talk today.

Like, seriously. All of them.

It's been a deep source of shame and embarrassment for me. 🤦‍♀️

There haven't been any blow-out fights. No massive betrayals. No dramatic endings.

Honestly, they've all just dissipated. 🤷‍♀️

I've always prided myself on being a good friend. I've always made sure I was there for them in whatever way I could be.

And yet, as someone who is also guilty of being a little TOO self-aware (or painfully self-conscious - take your pick), I know that I am the common denominator.

What did I do wrong? Am I just an a-hole? 👺👹

Well, after lots of therapy, years of endless rumination, overthinking, self-reflection, exhaustive research, and crippling rejection sensitivity, I've got a theory.

I didn't show up.


You heard me. I wasn't there.

The feeling of friend rejection is SO deep, and truly NEVER talked about openly (except by this woman - and this ep on what to do when someone blocks you on ig 💯 )...

I was afraid if I was my normal "too much" self, she would leave me.

It was SO much like dating.

Don't bring drama.

Don't be dramatic.

Don't talk about your problems. And for gods sake NO. DEBBIE DOWNERS!

Don't want too much. Don't ask for too much.

Don't complain.

Don't gossip.

Don't overtext (Whoops! Totally guilty of this, tho).


Okay, so show up as my best one-dimensional self? Harbor resentment. Don't talk about your real feelings. Focus on their needs and make it fun. Got it! snaps 🫰

Make no mistake - looking back, the experience really felt like a "season" when I was hoping for that whole Hollywood lifetime thing.

Oprah Winfrey says: "if you are around anybody that makes you feel less than 100 percent yourself, if you’re around anybody that makes you feel like you can’t shine or say whatever you want to say, you're with the wrong friend.

Listen, I'm hearing from you that you're also struggling with shifting relationships, outgrowing some old patterns and friendships, and intentionally nurturing something more true.

This topic needs more of a platform to unpack.

And for me, it's felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders to be far more intentional, open, and clear with the friends and people I have right now....who are all freaking amazing.

More on this on the socials. Is this something you struggle with? Or have helpful insight to share?

Be sure to tune in to the latest episode of Late Learner podcast where we talk about our evolving friendships (and unpack the outdated mommy tribe) with Dr. Whitney of Modern Mommy Doc here:

EP203; Do Gen X women get the worst of both worlds? Dr. Whitney Casares of ModernMommyDoc

Okay, going to send a surprise text to my girl, Stephanie, who I haven't checked in on in a while. 📱



PS. Interested in meeting some new people? Try this.

PPS. Want to be 100% yourself AND kick-ass in all the buckets that matter? Let's talk. I've got a new coaching program that is bringing some serious results.

PPPS. I couldn't imagine President Obama bringing me my lunch to work but okay! Also, Bradley Cooper is stunning here.

PPPPS. I was honored to be featured on the Brilliant Balance podcast (truly one of my favorite pods) and interviewed by Cherylanne Skolnicki who serves a very similar audience to mine. You'll love her!

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Allison Hare

Allison Hare is the former sales executive turned lifestyle entrepreneur. She’s the host of the award-winning, top 1.5% globally ranked podcast, Late Learner and a personal coach for professional mothers and a keynote speaker.

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