Why “Mean Girls” Don’t Stop in High School (Wait - are we mean girls?) And How We Can Finally Outgrow Them)

If you’ve ever noticed how mean-girl energy doesn’t fully fade after high school... that sting of comparison, the quiet competition, the gossip loops that hurt more because they’re supposedly “adult” ...you’re not crazy. Those dynamics don’t die; they evolve. And they show up in jobs, in friendships, in boardrooms, sometimes in your own head.

This post is your permission slip to name that energy — call it what it is: mean girls grown up. I’m pulling from my conversation with Erin Gallagher so you can see exactly how to catch the patterns you’ve been tolerating, rewrite your internal code, and build communities that hype instead of hurt.

What “Mean Girls” Energy Actually Means in Real Life

We love the movie Mean Girls because it feels exaggerated but also painfully true. But that’s the trick — real adult “mean girls” don’t always wear pink. Sometimes they wear ambition. Or authority. Or “professionalism.” They whisper, exclude, compare, compete for scarce validation. That’s what makes them dangerous: the camouflage.

Erin Gallagher talks about how we internalize that culture — the idea that to get ahead, someone else must be “less than.” We teach girls to compete because there’s only so much applause to go around. But what if that applause isn’t finite? What if we shifted the paradigm?

3 Lies We Believe Because of Mean-Girl Conditioning

Here’s what I heard from Erin that popped me in the gut — and probably will for you too:

Lie 1: “Nice” is the highest moral currency.
We’re raised to be polite, soft, conflict-averse. But “nice” often means invisible. It silences us. It teaches us to shrink in favor of someone else’s comfort.

Lie 2: Jealousy is weakness or betrayal.
Erin reframes jealousy not as ugliness, but as a whisper: this is what you really want, but you haven’t claimed it yet. That changes everything about how we react.

Lie 3: Community is risky.
Because competition is baked into our stories, we think sharing wins weakens us. We withhold. We hold grudges. Erin shows how hyping another woman rewires scarcity out of your nervous system.

4 Shifts You Can Start Doing Today (Even If They Scare You)

These are small practices. They feel radical at first, but they build muscle:

1. Name the mean-girl voice in your head. Write it out. Give it a voice. Then argue — defend yourself.

2. Celebrate someone else’s win without devaluing your own. Say it, post it, shout it.

3. Stop asking permission to be seen or heard. Write the thing, pitch the thing, share the thing.

4. Observe who drains you vs. who nourishes you. Pause before you invest.

5. Speak truth in small ways, even when it risks discomfort. (Erin: “Control feels safe, but it also blocks the good trying to find you.”)

The Podcast Episode That Changes the Lens

If this is lighting up things you’ve been carrying, go listen to Episode 272 of The Reinvention Room with Erin Gallagher. We dig into:

• The sentence she said that flipped her: “I will no longer abandon myself in service to others.”

• How she went from a viral post about Jamie Lee Curtis hyping Michelle Yeoh to building a full movement and writing Hype Women.

• The neuroscience of comparison and how hyping activates different circuits in your brain

• Why good-girl conditioning is patriarchy in disguise

• What vulnerability costs you — and what it gives back

Why This Matters to You

Those mean girl dynamics have gotten oxygen from our society. If you've experienced:

• the sharpened edge of envy toward someone you admire

• triggered by “too much” or “not enough” talk

• stuck in friendships that feel like subtle arms races

• afraid of being too loud, too bold, too visible

They’re signals. You don’t have to live small. You don’t have to play safe. You don’t have to silence yourself.

Listen Now: The Reinvention Room Podcast

Watch Now: Reinvention Room on YouTube

If you’ve got a podcast or an idea that won’t leave you alone, here's your sign to take it seriously. Not just because it's fun (it is), but because it can change how people see you, connect with you, and trust you. That's the magic.

And if you're wondering how to make it actually work? Book a free clarity call with me at allisonhare.com/freecall. I'll help you turn that idea into a tight, bingeable, client-attracting machine.